dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My feet surprised me
Randomize