someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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