"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Semen is not good for contacts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
