dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
