I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
