I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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