I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
