just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
