If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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