The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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