Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
