Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
