life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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