I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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