we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
