Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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