we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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