his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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