WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
