I'm drive I can fine osifer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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