Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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