I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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