Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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