My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
