I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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