What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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