"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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