She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
