First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
