shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
