I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
