that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
