My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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