She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize