when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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