it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
