He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
