my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm really busy with my period
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