you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize