How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
