I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
