you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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