Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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