I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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