sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
