I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
