I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
