I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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