I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
3pm strippers are depressing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
