I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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