Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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