just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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