1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
