Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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