I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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