Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
