I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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