I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
