I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
