where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
