Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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