so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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