i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?