do herpes really smell.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'