He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.