who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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