I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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